Letting Go

A couple of weeks ago, our associate pastor shared with our women’s Bible study group, a story concerning a small boy whose hand was stuck in a expensive vase. His mother tried in vain to pull his hand out, but to no avail. She hated to break the vase because it was so valuable, but finally it was the only solution. After she broke the vase she discovered that her son had his fist balled up. Inside his balled up fist was a penny. He had been hanging onto it for dear life and was not about to let it go. I have heard several versions of this story. In some it is a penny, in others it is a quarter. However, the size of the coin is not the issue here.

When I told my husband, he reminded me of how monkeys are sometimes caught in India. Since they believe in reincarnation, they don’t want to hurt or kill the monkeys, so they came up with a humane way to catch the monkeys. They make special metal vases with a narrow opening, drop a banana inside, which the monkeys can see and smell. The monkey puts his hand inside the vase and grabs the banana, trying to pull it out. But the clenched fist with the fruit is too wide to come out through the narrow neck of the vase. The monkeys are extremely stubborn, they never let go of a fruit once they have found it, so they are stuck there, sometimes for hours, with their hand caught inside the vase. Eventually, the monkey is caught and released deep in the forest with his banana.

I know that I have held on to many “bananas, pennies, and quarters” way to long, never willing to completely let go. I have preferred to remain stuck without even knowing it. The story of the little boy has been on my mind quite a bit lately as I deal with my mom issues. It dawned on me that the little girl inside is holding on so very tightly to the dream that maybe, someday, my mom will be there for me, for that little girl. I, like the little boy, who put so much value in the penny/quarter, or the monkey, who wasn’t about to give up one of his favorite foods even if he got caught, don’t want to give up on my mom – my dream.

What I didn’t realize is that it is keeping me stuck! To let go of my dream, I need to open up my fist, let go, and allow myself to be vulnerable to what ever happens. That could very possibly be that my mom will never be the mom that I have always wanted.

But, there was something bigger here that I failed to see until now. By keeping my fist clasped tight around that dream, I kept myself from having a deeper relationship with family, friends, and with the Lord. I have also not handed over my life completely to God. By refusing to open up my hand, I refused to allow myself to receive the healing that my wounded heart needs. I short-change myself, allowing myself to be fooled by the lies of Satan. Am I willing enough to let go of that dream, that penny/quarter or fruit, to allow myself to go free and let the Lord do His work in me?

Having been wounded so deeply, it is not easy to just open my hands, but I do have a promise from Him. Regardless of how my mom responds or doesn’t respond to me – if my dream never becomes a reality in regards to my mom – the Lord will meet my need. “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus” – Phiippians 4:19. Actually, He already has in that He has given me a wonderful foster mom, Vera, and a wonderful spiritual mom, Halee. Duh! It takes me awhile to get things.